Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
