census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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