Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
