Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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