oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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