How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
