Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
