we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
if only i could text you this smell
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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