I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
