don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I still have a little drunk in my system
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
