look no pants
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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