I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
