this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
