I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
