Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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