pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
