I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
