OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
