I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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