my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
