Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
