so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
