im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he fucked my hip out of place.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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