If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
