my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
