hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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