Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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