my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
