apparently the secret to your success is patron
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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