and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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