When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
