In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
