Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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