We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He better not be in your backpack
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
