i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
