Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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