dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
