its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
did i walk over a car last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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