I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
