About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
