Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
