dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
