do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
