I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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