He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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