sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
