She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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