I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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