worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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