woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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