There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
