wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
