OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
