my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
