Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I could fuck to npr.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
