I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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