If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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