could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
