At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
