I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize