How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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