My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
