I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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