i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
