I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
