Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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