just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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