Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize