i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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